Cars & Novels: Fast reviews for a frantic audience

. . . . . . . I’m a fellow Canadian writer, just checking in to see what you’re doing, Steve. *Catxman extends a hand and shakes yours*

. . . . . . . I’m just driving an imaginary Cadillac XT4 around and giving an imaginary applause or dressing-down to people in Kia automobiles. For some reason, I think of bad writers as Kia writers. I’d like to dress down Toyota and Honda and the Korean automakers but I can’t seem to attack quality. They are unremarkable in their styling and seem to share the same underbody across makes and models but there you have it. Anyway on to the fiction-writers as a calling card …

“I’m not a real person. I’m a legend.” — Jean-Michel Basquiat, artist

. . . . . . . You seem to have found your calling in life. It’s a good experience to feel. That belief where we know “this is it, this is what I want” drives only a minority of people, I sense and believe. The Arts — particularly the Fine Arts — are the rarest home of the driven, I find. In the Fine Arts, we’re always looking for community, to belong, to be accepted and extend an eternal olive branch … keep on trying!

. . . . . . . *turning right down a slow side street* (yes, it makes sense if you’re driving from a certain direction into the picture)

. . . . . . . At least the werewolves of the story aren’t confused for zombies, going … brains? … brains here? …. brains?? I LIKE A BOOK THAT KNOWS ITS LYCANTHROPES. Imagine a row of Jeeps. Jeep Grand Cherokee, Jeep Wrangler, Jeep Cherokee, Jeep Renegade, Jeep Compass. And werewolves are dancing on the hoods of the SUVs, a la an early darker-toned M.J. music video.

. . . . . . . I must say, your statements that the character doesn’t believe what’s in front of his nose puts me off. Just as a novel should be grounded in some form of reality, a character should feel like he could actually exist and react in as realistic a manner as possible, not defying the laws of character-building, such as they are. Bad book. *slaps the book’s spine* Bad book.

. . . . . . . You happened to read a book of a type you personally wouldn’t normally sample. So yes, getting out of one’s comfort zone is ideal. Reading should be varied as possible. This isn’t baseball where you get called a “ball one”, etc. when the ball is out of the target zone. In a similar way, we should sample all forms of music that have fanatics behind it, and take them to heart. Music, books, friendships — all these should come in all stripes.

. . . . . . . We should be wary of companies (and books) that retire their past favorites. Remember GM and its Oldsmobile, that retired line of cars? Why, because it has “Old” in the word? Gary Oldman, the actor, has the dreaded word, does that make him eligible for forced retirement? Back to fiction.

. . . . . . . I read your long entry with deepening and withdrawing, deepening and withdrawing interest. It’s not that I thought it was poorly written — heaven forbid! *back of the hand on my brow* — no, it’s just that some of the themes were, shall we say, close to me and some were alien to me. Being a superdevoted family member or a mother struck me as odd. I know it’s a common thing to many people, but you just skip a lot of the experience and take it for granted. A little exposition would be nice for us deviants out there. Other than that, like it, liked it, good piece.

. . . . . . . Your review — it — it — it made me tremble, tears on the edge of my eyelids>>>>>>>fabulous work, kiddo. You’ve taken this hard-as-stone male commando and made him WANT to attack, ravish, subdue the world of Female Romance books and make them his own, dominate them with a rodeo lasso and hogtie them … oh god it feels so good…

. . . . . . . Ja mon Jamaica, dis book be bumba ras clot of all de books, mon. Irie! Tru dat … what else on the net of inters is dere to rede … oh yeah …. Dere de TRU ISLANDS, not the fakers of Jamekers.

Let’s just mention my favorite author here, Stephen King. “Hearts In Atlantis” is such a great book title for such an emotively powerful period of American (and World!) history, the Flower Power Epoch. I’m really disappointed that King doesn’t resonate the time period with the title more. Rather than the guy who goes around on crutches more grunting single words I would have liked to have seen a young, naturally blonde girl losing her virginity in both the physical and the intellectual way at a co-ed college fall way. Hey, maybe I’ll end up writing such a book!

Then I randomly come across a picture of an older woman (I mean *older*) and she’s wearing a men’s style suit jacket showing a *LOT* of skin below the neck. The meaning (“don’t expect much of me; I’m just a girl; I’ll stand aside while you do all the work and take all the risk”) pissed me off and I suddenly didn’t want to put my talents to writing such a book about a girl at all. Why must females constantly make me want to kick them to the curb with their tone-deaf actions and statements? It’s like Life is one big Shit Test with them.

(c) 2022 Q1 Septablacorchid Corporation.

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